Friday, December 23, 2011

I'm back!

No, I didn't die, fall of the face of the Earth, it was just simply the end of the semester and blogging (among other things) got put well on the back burner.  Due to my absence, the next few days will be filled with posts, updates, fun tidbits, you know the usual. 

SO much has happened this past month, so grab your seat and lets ride this rollercoaster!

  • Thanksgiving treated me well, it was very refreshing to have a few days to hang out with my mom, go shopping, lounge around, showers were optional, oh and recover from food poisoning.  Ha read more about my epic adventures this past month in an upcoming post! 

  • I attended my Godson/nephew's 1st birthday party!  I can't believe how much he has changed and developed since June.  Going to Hayden's birthday made me realize a few things:
    • Best pre-finals trip ever; might have to become an annual thing...I mean I did get straight A's!
    • Little kids are pools of disease, cute as hell but full of germs....or maybe it was my brother...either way I know those 15 other kids had to be hiding something! ;)
    • Hayden loves me, is hopefully starting to recognize me smiles and laughs at me.  I appreciate his affection
    • Can't wait for him to get even bigger so we can go to the park next door
    • He proved me wrong.  I always believed some tall, dark, handsome man would win my heart. Nope, turns out it was a cutie with bright blonde hair and an infectious laugh.
    • Grandchildren really do bring families together...
  •   Few of my best friends are CSU graduates, got rocked by exams, give great boosts to your confidence, and will be there no matter what
  • I discovered the true love of Pinterest
  • Had another epic adventure with food, allergies, sickness
  • Saw a new chiropractor and skipped the gym more times than I went (epic fail)
  • Started my application for the full masters of public health program- SO STRESSFUL! AH
  • Drove home to Iowa
Like I said, a lot happened this past 4-5 weeks and I am so excited to expand on some of the bigger moments!

So off Asian Food

Here's the story as told by me:  I love Asian food, Asian infusion type cafes, Hibachi style restaurants, I like them all.  I mean what's not to like, rice, noodles, veggie, meat combo with a variety of sauces, seasonings, and hello SUSHI!

So why am I not loving Asian food?  First of all, I got food poisoning from eating an Asian rice bowl at a popular restaurant chain in the Colorado... 4 days before Thanksgiving.  It was beyond an awful experience; this was my first and hopefully but highly unlikely only encounter with food poisoning.  Let's just say I was sicker than I've ever been, but hey on the bright side I was really only one stomach flu away from reaching my goal pre-Holiday weight!  haha KIDDING!!

After this "life experience", I decided that I was going to take sometime off from Asian food or rice and peanut sauce rather.  After nearly a month, I thought you know what: I want some rice, I want some sushi, I want potstickers, bring it on.  Perfect timing, I was headed up to Fort Collins to visit my FOCO family and Sushi was on the dinner menu.

December 16, 2011  I had a fabulous time chatting with my FOCO family, eating like a fat kid, enjoying every single minute of my time until....I broke out in full body HIVES attack looking like a bad case of leprosy!  Seriously, I have the worst luck sometimes haha!  I kid you not, I got to my friends house after dinner super itchy.  I didn't think much about it until the next day when my skin was on fire.  I wasn't completely sure that I had hives or maybe I didn't want to believe it, however I am sure thankful my bestie's wonderful mother made me go to Walgreens with her.  She was right, I was having an allergic reaction to what I had eaten the night before and breakfast.

So what'd I eat: basically soy and dairy; which I knew I was somewhat intolerant of but wondered if I was actually allergic to.  My next item on my agenda; go to an allergist and have them narrow down my allergies because this trial and error stuff is for the birds. 

All I am saying is this: I am legitimately scared of Asian food right now!  Seriously, haha I'm scared of food and it is making me check every single ingredient label!  Food poisoning, followed by a 13 day dose of steroids to combat my leprosy hives ...which I will have you know I've had them for 7 days and counting; smh! 

I know I'll go back to Asian food but for right now- we are on a break!

Friday, November 18, 2011

I found it!

Here is the clip from this mornings Regis and Kelly show!  thank you YouTube :)

I adore Regis Philbin

Today was Regis Philbin's last show on morning television.  The audience was filled with top ranked celebrities, Donald Trump even showed up to the final show.  Regis received the key to New York City from the major and watched several tribute clips.  My favorite was by far 995, 600 minutes that the producers wrote and the cast of RENT performed.  Regis has spend almost a million minutes on air with us every single morning, entertaining us with his laughter, out of control enthusiasm, and making people feel as if they were special and could really do anything they wanted.  My second favorite clip was Being Regis!  all of the many impressions celebrities have of him- it was hilarious.  The hand gestures, the voice, the charismatic personality it was all on point! 

I remember growing up with Regis; I loved days where I stayed home and watched him and Kathy Lee in the mornings and then Regis and Kelly.  No matter how sick I was, bummed to be snowed in, or just not happy about being up early- Regis always made me smile and chuckle!  Do you remember when Regis was on Who Wants to be a Millionaire? wearing silky ties against dark shirts and then a couple months later, silky bright colored ties were all the rage?  I do; the man is a true icon.  Positivity, charm, character, loving, and most of all - he really seems to care about those around him and loves what he did for almost 50 years. 

I hope you had a chance to watch his final show.  If not, wait  awhile and YouTube it; you won't be disappointed!  All I know is whoever they get to replace him has very large shoes to fill, but I'm they will end up warming America's hearts every morning just as Regis did.  I wish I could find a clip of the song 995,600 minutes but I'm assuming no one has posted it yet so I'll leave you with another song the show used to express our (the fans) love for Regis over the years....enjoy. 

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


We all have weakness in life, whether it be for shoes, cars, actual body weakness; we all have it.  The thing about weaknesses some of them aren't that bad, others you need to learn how to walk away from.  When it comes to my weaknesses it is very hard to say no, but I'm getting much better with moderation!  Here's my question about weaknesses: can they be classified as vices?  If so here is a list of mine!

  • Popcorn
  • Sweatpants
  • Dirty rap Sultry R & B music
  • Victoria Secret
  • Diet Coke with Lime and Diet Mountain Dew
  • Boys Men with ribcage tattoos
  • Wicked awesome nail polish
  • Kringla & lefse
  • Laughter and great smiles
  • Quotes
  • Fast Cars
  • Dancing
  • My Friends

    I'm pretty sure no matter what my mood or how busy I get, I will always enjoy love have a hard time turning down the things on this list!

      Monday, November 14, 2011

      Bowling Shark, Adult Beverages, Laughter...

      This weekend I traveled north to Fort Collins, it was time to get my hair did, celebrate my friends birthday, see my FoCo family, meet with a great mentor, and just spend time with some great friends!  The weekend was the needed refresher that I needed; packed with fun, laughter, and adult beverages.  It always amazes me how great it feels to go back and's nice being missed.  On the other hand it is also very odd to go back and visit; sometimes the saying, "you can't go back to the way things were, some things will never be the same" couldn't be more true.  What will never be the same?  Some of my relationships with people in FoCo and how I feel about the town.  My relationship with FoCo has always been love/hate but then again I feel that is fairly typical when you are in college.  What makes FoCo so great is the people; once they move away, will it be the same?  Probably not; FoCo will have lost its luster, its heart if you will. 

      My weekend started and ended out the best I knew how, spending time in the CAHS computer labs! Yes, you read that right; I started and ended my weekend doing homework.  Printing off articles for papers I need to write and helping a friend write an amazing persuasive speech.  I had the privilege of attending CSU dance recital-love loved this, went out on the town, had drinks and dinner with friends, and even went bowling!  Friday night, I went bowling with the boys in addition to some fabulous ladies.  haha I normally don't do well bowling, I'm lucky if I break 100!  Not this weekend, I owned that game!  I bowled a 147, started out the game with 2 strikes and ended it with 3 strikes in the last frame!!  The guys thought I was trying to hustle them, and if the bet is upheld I should have Rockies season tickets coming my way. haha I doubt I'll ever see those tickets but it was still great to beat the boys :) ...with love from FoCo...

      Tuesday, November 8, 2011

      Humbling experience

      I forgot how much dancing makes me happy...
      Today was an average day, I went to class, the gym, Starbucks, and had dinner with a friend.  So what was different about this day; my thought process.  Instead of my lack of moderation, I can do I want attitude; I tried to take things slow at the gym and have a good time.  Why the sudden change?  Which prolly won't last much longer than I can tolerate Christmas music. Welp last week I went to the chiropractor- long story short my body was outta hand and I needed to take at least 3-4 days off to give it a rest.  Today, I woke up pretty sore and stiff a little more than usual but nothing out of the ordinary so I decided that I would give the gym a go.

      Today was a "long" gym day haha. I was there around 3 hours, dinking around, practicing happiness and moderation.  I stretched, did ballet warm ups, danced, dinked around, walked, elliptical, swam, and sat in the sauna.  I know what you are thinking so where is this humbling experience or why is this blog post titled that.  Here's why...during the swimming portion of my day I really could notice and feel my loss of strength in my upper body.  I realize I don't/can't do a lot with my upper body and the doctor told me my weaknesses were going to get worse but it never really sank in before.  My arms felt like lead and jell-o simultaneously and it was hard to breath (seriously?? how old am I?!)...but hey silver lining- I'm still alive!

      All joking aside; it really did affect me emotionally, enough for a friend to notice at least.  I knew my pain and weakness would get worse, but I like to think I can still do everything I want without consequence.  Definitely was humbled today by my body; it's funny you think you are in control of your lifestyle but if your body isn't ready for it or can't do something haha you'll find out real quick and pay the price.  I guess it is taking longer than I expected to fully grasp everything.  No one gives you a road map or a solutions manual for living with chronic pain; I suppose it just takes time to figure it all out and truly be okay with it.        

      "Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, it takes lots of little skips to be able to break free of your broken self."

      Monday, November 7, 2011

      Starbucks & Bookstores

      Lately, I've been studying at a Starbucks connected to a Barnes and Noble.  It's pretty nice, stays open late, always had people studying, chatting, reading, and has a decent amount of electrical outlets.  The thing I've noticed the most since I've been hanging out here, the amount of people that come to Barnes and Noble and just read books or magazines but don't actually buy them.  It never fails, people are always hanging out there.  Did I miss the memo is Barnes and Noble the new hang out of singles and older aged individuals?  Should I start hanging out there; start "reading" books that make me seem deep and intellectual?

      Tuesday, November 1, 2011

      Halloween Weekend

      I love Halloween, it is fun to get dressed up, walk run between houses collecting candy with your friends, making popcorn balls and candy grab bags, and watch scary movies.  I remember growing up I never missed a year!  Every year my friend and I would have our annual scream fest where we watched all the Scream movies and even a few other scary movies; I even trick or treated until I graduated high school!  Halloween was always a carefree holiday and isn't that what the holidays are all about? 

      This year I dressed up as Pebbles from the Flintstones; it was so much fun!  I had a great time making my costume and it was quite the adventure being a red head.  I'm a natural brunette who has a fabulous time.  I've been a blonde (boy did I look awful!!)  granted I was in middle school at the time but I'm going to say brunette totally trumps the blonde; but what about the red head for 2 days?  I had a great time, they may have the best time, sassy, quick witted and one of a kind (you know red hair is a disappearing trait/gene!)...Note: couldn't decide what shorts to wear; but I decided on the bright blue ones! Here are some of the epic pictures from the night!

      Panda Gladiator Anyone?
      Solid Gladiator costume that Mel and I whipped up.
      Mel was definitely the brains behind the vision!

      I also dressed up as a kitty cat on Monday and handed out candy to the trick or treaters with my roommates.  We all threw together costumes and had a great time-most of the things came from my closet haha it was fun to do something together!  Mike was a marathon runner (he had just gotten back from the gym), Cassie was the Christmas spirit - 1980's style in a sweet ugly sweater! 

      Monday, October 31, 2011

      Fall Fashion Attempt

      As I stated before I really enjoy mixing and matching feminine and masculine pieces.  Menswear inspired fashion is just so much fun!  I attempted this fall trend earlier this fall.  I wore black pleated cuffed dress shorts, slightly slouchy baggy sweater, a man's chunky leather watch, and motorcycle inspired boots.  Not gunna lie, I was pretty dang proud of my ability to put this together. Haha 

      Monday, October 24, 2011

      Half Birthdays

      Today was my half birthday!  As long as I can remember I've always semi celebrated my half birthday.  nothing special, just something special for me.  Tonight, I made a bomb meal, relaxed, and enjoyed a beer while looking at the stars. 

      In my opinion half birthdays should be celebrated in a small way not forgotten.  After all you did reach the half way mark of another year in life!  Happy 22.5 years to me :D

      Thursday, October 20, 2011

      Social Butterfly

      It has been said that I'm a social butterfly, flying between cliques, making friends where ever I go.  I don't believe I've ever denied that statement, then again, I don't think I've ever admitted how much I crave human interaction.  It's true I love socializing with people, learning about them, bullshitting, being sarcastic (some would say mine needs to get toned down at times), and being part of a group.  I have my quiet moments, hours, even days.  To tell you the truth, sometimes I feel as if I don't say much of anything then have a social explosion and just won't shut up!  Those are the times when I know I lacked human interaction but that's where it ended.  It was just a thought, nothing more, until last night.   
      *Not me as a child, but I'm pretty sure this is a picture I would have taken given the opportunity. 
      I prolly woulda yelled, "Hey, look at me!  I'm a butterfly, I can fly!"  Yea I was that kid! lol

      Since moving to Denver, my life really has changed, some for the good, others for the worse.  Instead of never being home and always rushing from place to place; I'm always home and have loads of free time.  When you are super busy all you want is down time, wishing you had all the time in the world.  Then you get it and (if you're like me) don't know what to do with it! 

      Yesterday was one of those days that really makes you stop and think.  What happened?  I experienced my old lifestyle; my old hectic, slightly everywhere life.  My typical Wednesday consists of going to class, coming home, hanging out, volunteering for a few hours, followed by some gym time.  Pretty laid back, nothing special, but lacks....socializing.  Yesterday went like this, keep in mind I didn't have a lot of time between these events: class, lunch at home, volunteered, happy hour with classmates, dinner fat kid feast with one of my best friends, and ended the night sitting in my car just listening to music.  It was brilliant, I was out of my house, I was busy, I felt important, I got to meet some cool people, I got to catch up with my friend. 

      I never processed how much of a social butterfly I was until last night; how much I needed human interaction and being busy made me happy.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy hanging out at home, watching tv/movies, and the fact I have more time to cook.  But truthfully I'm good with twice a week!  I mean that's why Saturday and Sunday exist, right?

      Have you ever re-experienced the life you used to have and missed it or experienced the life you thought you never wanted and loved it?

      Tuesday, October 18, 2011

      Fall Fest

      I love fall, chilly mornings and evenings with warm sunshine during the day, foliage changing colors, Halloween, and yummy fall foods.  This past week my friend and I had a fall fest, filled with all things fall.  We don't mess around; our night was complete with pumpkin carving, a great meal, pumpkin seed roasting, reality tv, gossip, and wine!

      My Pumpkin had a gnarly scar so we decided to make
      it a Scarface pumpkin named Al!

      Yum!  Chicken spaghetti,balsamic toasted bread, fruit, pumpkin
      fruit dip, salad, and wine! 

      Spooky brownies!

      Monday, October 17, 2011

      I'm just me

      Today was a mixture of emotions; the weekend was long, filled with uncertainty and slight self reflection.  This is the recap of the weekend (starting Thursday)

      • Fall Fest- blog to follow later this week
      • Made my dad a birthday cake
      • Dad visited..for 24 hours; we had some good meals, conversations, and got new phones!
      • Roommate moved to South Dakota :/
      • Complete room switch.  I moved into her room, Mike moved into mine, set up the dinning room and living room, cleaned everything & ready for our new roommate to move in
      • Average Errands
      • Orlando Jones at the Improv!  Cracked me up, nice guy too!
      • Slightly awkward conversations- just for good measure
      Not a half bad weekend, just long.  Today was decent; talked complained to my mom about random things in life I just don't understand and probably never will.  Volunteered where I found out I'll be presenting my very 1st lecture this Friday on Arthritis and Physical Activity and headed off to the gym.  Now after reading my brother's blog, The Boring Runner, about awkward runners on last weeks Funny Foto Friday got me thinking - could I be one of those awkward runners?  I mean sometimes I lose myself in my music and semi dance, stretch a lot, walk/run a lot, beat red face, basically work around my science project of a body.  After today I've decided that yea I"m probably an awkward, inefficient, crazy entertaining runner but at the end of the day I'm just me, take it or leave it.

      With that being said, I wasn't feeling too hott today so I figured I'd do a really long warm up and just see how things play out.  I really focused on getting a good walk/run method going, I figured that I'd do a really long warm up (.75mi) and cool down with .25-.5 mi walk section when I was getting tired or could feel my pain come on. During my runs, I am always worrying about my pain, how's my breathing, what song is playing, why is this person next to me when there are 20 machines open, my mind doesn't stop.

      Today, today was different.  I focused on my breathing, tried to find the perfect rhythmic pattern.  I think I've mentioned before, but this is hard for me.  I don't particularly like to breath, therefore, I tend to hold my breath; yea I know I'm a weirdo!  During my run my mind became less busy, mellowed out, and I found a piece of me I  misplaced. 

      Mile 1- Nervous about hurting myself, giving up half way, and proving to people I'm a fighter & don't give up easily
      Mile 1.5 - Getting into the groove, enjoying my music
      Mile 2 - Pain from my TOS, scapulas, back it all didn't matter- I was in control
      Mile 3 - Didn't matter the girl next to me busted out the same distance in half the time
      Mile 4 - Running wasn't about getting thin, looking hott for Halloween, or trying to impress anyone
      Mile 4.5 to 5 - I was getting tired, sore, and knew if I kept going I'd be wrecked the next few days but it didn't matter.  I found my missing piece; I found the quiet spot in my mind where I could process things in my life and be okay with them.  I found the place where being me is enough.  I was just me and it felt great.

      When was the last time you got your mind right? 


      Tuesday, October 11, 2011

      Pick me ups

      I love getting a random text message or phone call from a friend who I haven't talked to in a while but what do I love more?  When someone sends me a text that includes one of the following:

      1. Quote
      2. Hilarious Story
      3. Damn I Can't Believe That Just Happened Story
      4. Ask for my opinion or help
      5. Simply just saying Hey! makes my freaking day; especially if I've been down in the dumps or just studying until my heart is content.  Last night for example my friend send me a great quote that just made me smile after a rough week.  I know this quote applies right to me and my life.  People honestly don't ever give themselves enough credit and focus on what they haven't done (guilty as charged)!  Here's the quote:

      I might not be someone's first choice, but I am a great choice.  I don't pretend to be someone I'm not, because I'm good at being me.  I might not be proud of some of the things I've done in my past, but I'm proud of who I am today.  I may not be perfect...but I don't need to be.  Take me as I am, or watch me as I walk away.

      Friday, October 7, 2011


      Last weekend I went back to Colorado State for homecoming and my college's 25th birthday celebration.  I had a fantastic time; it was definitely the pick me up I needed!  It was so nice to spend time with friends, professors and department heads I look up to, and most importantly, my FOCO family.  I was greeted with hugs, huge smiles, and kind words of you look great and I miss you!  It just felt really good to be cared about (even if they were yanking my chains!)  It was also sad because I saw a few people who I still deeply care about and it was apparent we are just going apart and becoming strangers.

      I will always love (and hate some of) the memories I had in college but all in all it was nice to go back, see everyone, and be reminded of the true college community.  Below is a picture from tailgating at the big game!  Go RAMS!

      Weekend joys

      Happy Friday!  A few weekends ago I went to my mom's house.  It was a lot of fun, filled with relaxation and helping others.  My mom sits on the board of directors for the Arthritis Foundation; every year we help with their Jewels of the Vine event.  I love this event; I get to volunteer with my mom, get free wine and dress up!  This year the event was held at the Fine Arts Center in Colorado Springs and I completely feel in love with their chandeliers.

      Another great thing about the weekend: craft time!  Despite what my mother says she is pretty crafty and can put things together.  We made flower vases with stencils and paint that's dish washer safe!  I had such a great time; that for my bestie's birthday we are going to paint wine glasses :)

      Thursday, October 6, 2011

      Money, Money, Money, Saving money!

      FACT: I love saving money.

      I try and dabble in couponing now and again.  I would love to be those crazy coupon ladies at the store with their 6 shopping carts; books of coupons, stock piles, and stealing their neighbors Sunday papers.  But lets face it, I don't have the room to have stock piles, I'd probably be tippin the teledos at 250lbs (food warms the cracks of my soul & cooking for others fulfills a need to be needed haha), and more importantly I don't understand the math behind it to get paid to take things out of the store.

      With that being said, I am so very happy to say the last time I went shopping for more than fruit and veggies I saved big.  How big.  Big.  I went to my neighborhood Safeway, had one paper coupon, it was a Wednesday and I noticed a lot of BOGO items.  I nabbed some things then rushed home to see if my unreliable mail man came yet (seriously I think our post man is having an affair with someone on our route; some days no mail, some days at 2:30pm, others 9 pm??).  I tore through the paper aids got me some nice additional coupons and went back to the store on Thursday. 

      How did I make out?  Well let me tell you!
      This just makes me smile!

      Wednesday: spent $34.53 saved $15.47 31% savings
      Thursday: spent $24.40 saved $18.81 44% savings
      Grand total: spent $58.93 saved $34.28!!!

      BOMB!! I felt like the biggest housewife going up and down every isle and really think if it was a good deal and different meals I could make with it.  Totally worth it though!  I saved so much money and haven't had to buy anything besides almond milk, fruit, and fresh veggies the past month. 

      Monday, October 3, 2011

      One in a Million?

      In past posts I've mentioned having bad pain days or listening to my body and having to cool off on the work out.  I even mentioned my winged scapulas on my old fitness blog but what I always thought was normal pain (among other things) this past year 6 months I learned it definitely isn't.  After a long talk discussion intervention cry/complain session with my friend; I decided I'm ready to tell people what's going on.  My friend told me I didn't own my pain; as hard as it was to hear, she was right.  I didn't own my pain; I'm not mad at God, genetics, my family or anyone for what I have.  I'm just tired of dealing with it.  I'd like to sweep it under the rug rather than work through the process of letting people know what is going on.  Life is easier that way; if you don't talk about stuff.  So here it is.....I have a relatively rare, complex, and controversial disorder called thoracic outlet syndrome... winged scapulas (shoulder blades), and a few bulging discs in my neck/back.  So what does that mean? In short, I live with chronic pain & don't feel like a healthy 22 year old. 

      My winged scapulas....yes, I'm well aware they look like elbows on my back

      Elongated transverse processes that
      are considered to be cervical ribs
      Thoracic outlet syndrome (and winged scapulas for that matter ) is typically caused from trauma due to injury but can be caused from genetic abnormalities.  I fit in the less common category- genetic abnormality.  I have elongated transverse processes on C7, basically an extra rib that has a fibrous band attaching on my collar bone area.  This compresses the vascular and nerve supply to my neck, arm, and hands leading to pain, tightness, numbness, poor circulation/pulse (no blood supply if I raise my arms above my shoulder), and a whole lotta muscle weakness.  Because I was just born with this and have had pain for most of my life physical therapy didn't do much for me but increase my pain and frustration while decreasing my bank account.  It sucks but at least I tried it; more importantly it lead me to my discovery of TOS.  I first went into PT for my winged scapulas but once my pain started getting worse and spreading to other areas of my back,neck and arms my PT thought it was TOS and eventually sent me to a specialist (after much debate, running a half marathon, and after people started to notice my pain & became concerned I went). 
      Clearly not me, but
      similar tape job!

      So where does this leave me? Being a science project, an estimated one in a million case (depending on what site you look at)?  Confused and unsure.  I ran my first half marathon this summer and I'm sure people would love to say this act caused all my pain and I never complained before really running.  I didn't complain because I didn't know it wasn't uncommon and I could manage it.  The pain has gotten worse and it affects being active in a large way.  I never used to enjoy running but now I do and TOS makes it harder than it's suppose to be.  For example, during my half marathon training I taped down my shoulder blades with pretty strong tape; I'm told it's about 2-3 steps above or stronger than kineso tape with the hope to decrease the compression and keep my shoulder blades down.  Strengthening my upper body is kind of out of the question.  Don't get me wrong, I attempt it but it kills me, knocks me out for at least 2 days and I can tell when I need to lay off on the running and walk, switch activities but honestly it doesn't just affect exercising.  More and more often I can't open jars, twist off beer bottles, or have my hands go numb/tingling while doing my hair or sleeping. 

      I'm not okay with the possibility of "altering" my lifestyle, stop being me, or as one doctor told me, "You may have to be okay with the fact you'll be inactive for the rest of your life."  I have a degree in health and exercise science and you want me to be inactive  REALLY?!
      I'm looking at 2 options; I can either have surgery or I can live with it and suffer the consequences of increased pain, decreased strength & threat of nerve and arterial damage.  I'm 95% confident on what I want to do but still need to look at all the pros and cons.  I'm very logistic and like to see things on paper, see what I'm dealing with.  More than anything it helps me accept change if I can guesstimate how things will go.  I don't want people feeling sorry for me; I just want people to accept my decision and help me through the process.  This is me, one of a kind; owning my pain, my disorder, my life. 

      * Not my xray- picture taken from NYU School of Medicine-Dept. of Neurosurgery

      Wednesday, September 28, 2011

      The 2 Terrible P's

      I'm not sure if it is because I'm the baby of the family, having people take care of me, watching out for me, protecting me, wanting the best for me, and expecting a lot from me that caused it.  Could be my own perception of how things are were presented but all I know is I have a problem with the 2 Terrible P's. 

      1. Perfection
      2. Pleasing

      Somewhere along my life I decided that perfection was the way to live.  If you looked and acted perfect along with meeting every one's expectations nothing bad could happen to you and you would never disappoint anyone.  Which leads me to- pleasing.  I love to please people, make them happy, make them feel better while putting myself on the back burner; hardly ever giving myself enough credit for the things I do.  This is a great trait in its own right but then again I think that's called humility?? Anyway, when you combine the two it is a recipe for tunnel vision to the point of self destruction.  Always being stressed about not messing up, letting people down, and masking your true emotions and opinions is a full time job.  Funny, if you really think about it. 

      Everyone knows nothing is perfect and you will never please every single person yet there I was am was trying everything in my power to be that perfect person.  Parents and family members always say, "As long as you did your best" or "You're an adult now, only person to disappoint is yourself.  It doesn't matter what I think".  What a load of crock!  Parents always believe that you can do better, be better, and they will always be hurt you didn't take their ideas into consideration. 

      Lets not get things twisted, I still like things perfect and will still put others before myself.  So what's the difference?  I've messed up BIG time, let people down in devastating ways and I'm still alive; my world didn't catastrophically combust.  May not have been the easiest during those times but I got through it, became stronger, learned who I was and who I wanted to be. 

      It has taken a long time for me to realize perfection isn't worth the stress and to be okay with myself yet slowly but surely we all learn.  Not sure why but I wish I would have rediscovered this song on my iTunes more frequently, I'm going to assume it might have helped me see the big picture instead of little details that no one cares about and don't matter!!! Just a thought. haha :)

      Monday, September 26, 2011


      My best friend's dad always told us to hurry up when we were getting ready and didn't we know you can't buff a turd.  haha Well I beg to differ; one word, kind sir- makeup.  Whether you'd like to admit it or not, makeup does change the way you look.  For the record, makeup is meant to enhance your natural features not make you look like a clown (think Mimi from the Drew Carey show) or completely change how you look! 
      This is not a good look for anyone!!
      Come on, you know we've all been there!  You looked in the mirror and said dang I look good!  This brings me to my next thought; why not prove my point with the many faces of Christine.  I love my sweatpants and no makeup but lets not forget my mom was a Mary Kay lady and my aunt still is- needless to say I grew up playing dress up with nothing but the best.  I love trying fun makeup combos.  Currently obsessed with bright liners; fun pop of color never hurt anyone! 

      So here it is ladies and germs gentlemen.  The many faces and techniques of my (most people's) average looks. 

      First thing in the A.M.- pretty hot right?
      still no makeup-but a hat livens me up...

      Pretty average day, normal makeup, air dry hair

      Another average day but w/straight hair
      All dressed up for my college graduation-
      don't have a close up but I have full makeup on and did my hair :)

      As you can see I look a lot different all dolled up than I do when I first wake up.  Is it the end of the world?  Heck no, does it prove my point? Heck yes!