Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Friendationship- Love to Hate

look closely! pretty sweet-huh?

Ahh relationships!  Here's the thing about them you have to love to hate them.  I mean seriously sometimes they are perfect, others it is a hurricane ripping through the deep south. You hate to have a relationship end, burn that bridge yet LOVE the feeling of freedom and self confidence you get from leaving an unhealthy relationship.  Now here's the thing most people forget about; the breakdown of relationships.  Oh no, it can't be as simple as friendship and relationship;there is a spectrum in which most people are unaware of.

This is what the breakdown looks like:
  • Friendship
  • 1-sided Friendationship
  • Friendationship
  • Seeing Each Other
  • Relationship/Dating
Now a few of those categories are pretty self explanatory; however others aren't as clear.  My personal favorite..er..the one I seem to get myself in a lot- 1-sided Friendationship.  Now as defined by urbandictionary.com (if you haven't checked this out, you should.  Look up your name! It's pretty entertaining, yet so true!)

Friendationship - the state of a relationship wherein the two people are clearly "more than friends" but won't admit or don't know if they are a "couple" or not
Used in a sentence: Bill and Sara claim that they're not dating, but they spend every waking moment together; so I'm starting to wonder if they are in a friendationship.

So the thing about 1-sided friendationships is this: you have a friend in which you grew to like or instantly liked but they didn't like you romantically back- solution (double edged sword solution)  You become besties with this person.  You end up spending an absurd amount of time with them, texting, chatting on the phone, eating/making meals, partying on the weekends, studying, hearing about each other's love lives, and just being there for the other person day in and day out.  This is great, you basically have the emotional side of the relationship but the downer...you have to hear about the people they are dating, trying to get with, or just sleeping with.  I personally think the movie When Harry Met Sally (classic!) explains it best.

Harry makes a very valid point; at some point in a friendship the other person wishes and wants something more.  If you really think about it, it makes sense.  Why wouldn't you want to date your best friend; you already know so much about them, you probably balance each other out, have similar interests, and generally just vibe well together.  How do you get trapped in this vicious cycle of friendationships; well young grasshopper it is pretty simple.  You develop this friendship with someone; turns out you want more but don't want to say anything.  You are afraid of ruining what you have or you say something and the other person is shocked, tells you they don't feel the same way.  So what do you decide it is better to be their friend then not have them in your life.  It's really that simple.  

I personally love to hate friendationships- some of my guy friends at one point or another I liked them but didn't want to ruin the friendship- wasn't worth it to me.  Then there are those select few that come into your life, turn your world upside down & you have to process that there will never be anything more than a 1-sided friendationship and walk away.  Oh you get lucky and have a made for TV drama style relationship that plays out for years and then you finally get together, semi One Tree Hill Peyton and Lucas style. The spark will always be there, but it doesn't always mean you're meant to be.  Sometimes there all it takes is one person; that one person to snap you out of your funk and bring you back to life.