The 2 Terrible P's

I'm not sure if it is because I'm the baby of the family, having people take care of me, watching out for me, protecting me, wanting the best for me, and expecting a lot from me that caused it.  Could be my own perception of how things are were presented but all I know is I have a problem with the 2 Terrible P's. 

1. Perfection
2. Pleasing

Somewhere along my life I decided that perfection was the way to live.  If you looked and acted perfect along with meeting every one's expectations nothing bad could happen to you and you would never disappoint anyone.  Which leads me to- pleasing.  I love to please people, make them happy, make them feel better while putting myself on the back burner; hardly ever giving myself enough credit for the things I do.  This is a great trait in its own right but then again I think that's called humility?? Anyway, when you combine the two it is a recipe for tunnel vision to the point of self destruction.  Always being stressed about not messing up, letting people down, and masking your true emotions and opinions is a full time job.  Funny, if you really think about it. 

Everyone knows nothing is perfect and you will never please every single person yet there I was am was trying everything in my power to be that perfect person.  Parents and family members always say, "As long as you did your best" or "You're an adult now, only person to disappoint is yourself.  It doesn't matter what I think".  What a load of crock!  Parents always believe that you can do better, be better, and they will always be hurt you didn't take their ideas into consideration. 

Lets not get things twisted, I still like things perfect and will still put others before myself.  So what's the difference?  I've messed up BIG time, let people down in devastating ways and I'm still alive; my world didn't catastrophically combust.  May not have been the easiest during those times but I got through it, became stronger, learned who I was and who I wanted to be. 

It has taken a long time for me to realize perfection isn't worth the stress and to be okay with myself yet slowly but surely we all learn.  Not sure why but I wish I would have rediscovered this song on my iTunes more frequently, I'm going to assume it might have helped me see the big picture instead of little details that no one cares about and don't matter!!! Just a thought. haha :)

Makeup

My best friend's dad always told us to hurry up when we were getting ready and didn't we know you can't buff a turd.  haha Well I beg to differ; one word, kind sir- makeup.  Whether you'd like to admit it or not, makeup does change the way you look.  For the record, makeup is meant to enhance your natural features not make you look like a clown (think Mimi from the Drew Carey show) or completely change how you look! 

This is not a good look for anyone!!

Come on, you know we've all been there!  You looked in the mirror and said dang I look good!  This brings me to my next thought; why not prove my point with the many faces of Christine.  I love my sweatpants and no makeup but lets not forget my mom was a Mary Kay lady and my aunt still is- needless to say I grew up playing dress up with nothing but the best.  I love trying fun makeup combos.  Currently obsessed with bright liners; fun pop of color never hurt anyone! 

So here it is ladies and germs gentlemen.  The many faces and techniques of my (most people's) average looks. 

First thing in the A.M.- pretty hot right?

still no makeup-but a hat livens me up...

Pretty average day, normal makeup, air dry hair

Another average day but w/straight hair

All dressed up for my college graduation-
don't have a close up but I have full makeup on and did my hair :)

As you can see I look a lot different all dolled up than I do when I first wake up.  Is it the end of the world?  Heck no, does it prove my point? Heck yes!

Pharmacy Woes

I don't know about you but I love to hate going to the pharmacy, especially with the older pharmacy techs working the check out.  Their judgemental eyes and facial expressions as they hand you your prescription.  I love me some penicillin as much as the next person and I definitely wasn't blessed with the best health genes so some days I feel like a frequent flyer at Walgreens. 

I was blessed with getting cold sores; I know what you're thinking why is this girl getting a prescription for this when she could get some Abreva over the counter and be on her merry little way.  I used to be able to do that, but then these cold sores became immune, vicious, and started scaring my face!  After that my dermatologist and primary doctor suggested getting a prescription for something stronger.

This past week, I woke up with yet again another cold sore.  I called my doctor and told them, asking for a prescription.  Normally, they give me 3-5 refills; oh but not this time.  What did I get?   There I am standing at the pharmacy pick up window, when the older woman hands me my prescription with the Grandmother disapproving look on her face.  I was kind of confused by this but just blew it off normally they look at me weird ( kind of get used to it).  Then I read the label on my pill bottle.  The bottle said- Unlimited refills for a year. Awesome. The pharmacy tech thinks I have genital herpes.  Wtf?!  Lady look at my face, it's a cold sore for crying out loud- seriously lady.  haha Gotta love people assuming things about you when they couldn't be more wrong. 

Knowing your own body

I went to the gym last week after having a longer week of bad pain days (lame!).  In my infinite wisdom, I thought, "hey I need to prove to myself that I can do what I want".  Well turns out, I semi can!

Here's the story as told by me: 
I headed to the gym with determination in my eye, hurt in my heart, a positive mind, and about half a bottle of Icy Hot on 2/3 of my body.  I started out with a good stretch- holy moley were my hamstrings t-i-g-h-t!  I started with a half mile warm up and I was off running.  I ran 2.5ish miles when I really radiated my pain; so I stopped, walked a bit, stretched a bit.  Then thought- hmm..why not run downhill?  You can run slower, it's easier...I found that running downhill really helped delay the onset of my pain.  SCORE!  I ended up running 6.1 miles.  I had proved myself right; I could do anything that I set my mind to.

Hahah this picture/poster just cracks me up!

Were the 6.1 miles pain free? Heck No!  But I'm getting a lot better at allowing my body to have limits.  My body hurt during the run, actually increased from baseline but guess what that night I was back to baseline and the next day my quads were sore from the downhill madness.  Case in point: I'm slowly learning to be okay with my body limitations!

My Generations' JFK Assassination

November 22, 1963.  Does that date mean anything to you?  If not, that was the day the 35th President, JFK, was assassinated.  To be honest this date doesn't mean much to me, however for my parents and grandparents it means so much more.  It was a day that most of them remember exactly what they were doing, & where they were when they heard the news about JFK.  It has been said that every generation has its monumental moment; mine was September 11, 2001. 

This year was the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks.  Every year you remember those who lost their lives that day and those heroes who responded not only that day but the following weeks and months following the attacks.  But honestly, I never thought 10 years would go so fast.  I remember my parents saying you'll remember that day for the rest of your life, I thought they were full of it. 

So where was I 10 years ago?      
I was in 7th grade at Pocahontas Area-Rolfe Center sitting in 1st period History class with Mr. P.  I'm 90% sure I was wearing sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt and was in complete shock.  We watched the news most of the day and don't think we got any work accomplished.  I wish we had patriotism everyday like we do on September 11. 

September 11, 2001 is definitely my generations JFK; something that people will never forget and it changed how we lived our lives.  Where were you 10 years ago?

I love me some men...

Men inspired outfits of course!  This season menswear is back with a bang and I will be partaking.  Finally, I can embrace my love for slightly baggy sweaters, old man sweaters, oxford shirt dresses, chunky watches, and my absolute fave- suit jackets!  I love the look of suit jackets over a cute graphic tee with a killer jean/shoe combo.  Full tailored suit-yep like those to; especially in a nice charcoal gray color with a baby fine pinstripe.  Takes me back to my mock trial days.  That and hotties in suits; ever heard the line- I like my men in suits: business, bathing, birthday.  No? Well if not, best believe that's how I like my men haha I'm only half kidding!  I rock sweats harder than most people & I appreciate that my guy can too but if he rocks a suit - please and thank you. 

3 Piece suit- Money! The show suits- amazing.

What is my closet missing that I must have?  A white suit vest or waistcoat (if your from the UK).  Vests are great!  Put them over a fun dress or pair it with jeans and a shirt; it's pretty versatile believe or not!  Black and gray..mahh boring!  White is the way to go, need a chic looking outfit for a dinner with a client. No problem, grab your white vest with black shoes and slacks- got yourself a classic black and white number.  You would think at how popular menswear is right now, you'd be able to find a classic women's fitted vest.  Nope, can find about any other damn color, with or without fur even (gag- sorry not my thing.  Not because I'm a PETA person but because I think I look ridiculous in fur. just saying!) White?  Nowhere to be found & if you do, definitely not in home-girl's size or its not flattering at all, or its like $200.  What to do, what to do? 

I'll most definitely be rocking this combo!  a hoodie and a suit jacket?!? Is this heaven?

Big Kid School?

This past Monday was my 1st real day of graduate classes; meaning everyone was back in school not just random people taking summer classes and I will no longer have online classes (YAY).  Despite the fact, I have classmates I see on a regular basis I still feel like a visitor in my new city.  I can't stop thinking- what did I get myself into? 

During undergrad, I would like to consider myself known.  Teachers knew me, fellow students knew me, was in several student orgs, kinda loud, joked around with people, even had an on campus job!  It was normal for me to be on campus for 14 hours straight working, studying, being in class, working out or just hanging out.  Some days I really hated being on campus that long and if you ask most people they would say I was up tight and needed a dose of reality and fun.  But the fact of the matter was this- I loved it and no one really gave me a reason to leave.  I loved that my friends and I would hang out together, study, go to the gym, and attempt to seduce the lab operator into letting us stay overnight-sure it sucked but at least I wasn't at home alone all day, feeling like a prisoner in my own house.  I was with other people, cracking jokes, having real conversations, and hello getting smart!  I'm told nerds are in right now haha 

Did I pass up a lot of offers to go out. Damn straight I did; do I regret some of that- yeah I do and a lot can change in a year.  Throughout my college experience, I've had very few stable friends; people change, conflicting schedules prevent you from seeing each other, and some graduated and moved on- at the end of the day I always had school.  More importantly I was good at school.  I knew how to work the system, be a charmer, network my way to the top. 

My new school is in Denver; exciting new city to live in, great roomies, bestie lives just down the street, and I'm learning a different aspect of health.  All of these things are great.  So what's the problem? I'm really never on campus, am clearly one of the youngest people in my program- by 10-15 years.  I spend all of my time at home now (Weird-can't say I enjoy that) and feel isolated/disconnected from those around me.  I realize this aspect is part of growing up and having that quarter life crisis of not really knowing what you want to be when you grow up but still should it feel like this?  I also believe my current health impairments and uncertainty doesn't help the situation either.  Will it all be worth it in the end- do people truly keep burning you or disappointing you- say one thing, do the complete opposite?  So what's a kid to do when they graduate into big kid school; where classmates are established, have children or are engaged, don't really converse, are super competitive, and student orgs aren't really organized?  I guess I'll just take it one step at a time- I mean it is the 1st week...of fall semester!   

Unexpected Smiles

I've been struggling with a pulled/tight hamstring for almost 3 weeks now which is pretty annoying.  However, I'm not very good at being a good at taking time off so I've been pushing it a bit to much.  So I've decided to take a break from the gym for awhile and do at home workouts.

With that being said; I was at the gym earlier this week and had a surprisingly decent 4 mile run!  I mean I had to take some (walk) breaks, stretch out a good amount, and picked the right music.  Thank you Linkin Park- right when I was really starting to hate life my decision to go for a run the song, Shadow of the Day came through my head phones.  Not really sure why but it just made my day and I ended my run with a nice big smile.  Enjoy the song & go do something you enjoy today!