Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The 2 Terrible P's

I'm not sure if it is because I'm the baby of the family, having people take care of me, watching out for me, protecting me, wanting the best for me, and expecting a lot from me that caused it.  Could be my own perception of how things are were presented but all I know is I have a problem with the 2 Terrible P's. 

1. Perfection
2. Pleasing

Somewhere along my life I decided that perfection was the way to live.  If you looked and acted perfect along with meeting every one's expectations nothing bad could happen to you and you would never disappoint anyone.  Which leads me to- pleasing.  I love to please people, make them happy, make them feel better while putting myself on the back burner; hardly ever giving myself enough credit for the things I do.  This is a great trait in its own right but then again I think that's called humility?? Anyway, when you combine the two it is a recipe for tunnel vision to the point of self destruction.  Always being stressed about not messing up, letting people down, and masking your true emotions and opinions is a full time job.  Funny, if you really think about it. 

Everyone knows nothing is perfect and you will never please every single person yet there I was am was trying everything in my power to be that perfect person.  Parents and family members always say, "As long as you did your best" or "You're an adult now, only person to disappoint is yourself.  It doesn't matter what I think".  What a load of crock!  Parents always believe that you can do better, be better, and they will always be hurt you didn't take their ideas into consideration. 

Lets not get things twisted, I still like things perfect and will still put others before myself.  So what's the difference?  I've messed up BIG time, let people down in devastating ways and I'm still alive; my world didn't catastrophically combust.  May not have been the easiest during those times but I got through it, became stronger, learned who I was and who I wanted to be. 

It has taken a long time for me to realize perfection isn't worth the stress and to be okay with myself yet slowly but surely we all learn.  Not sure why but I wish I would have rediscovered this song on my iTunes more frequently, I'm going to assume it might have helped me see the big picture instead of little details that no one cares about and don't matter!!! Just a thought. haha :)