Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Humbling experience

I forgot how much dancing makes me happy...
Today was an average day, I went to class, the gym, Starbucks, and had dinner with a friend.  So what was different about this day; my thought process.  Instead of my lack of moderation, I can do I want attitude; I tried to take things slow at the gym and have a good time.  Why the sudden change?  Which prolly won't last much longer than I can tolerate Christmas music. Welp last week I went to the chiropractor- long story short my body was outta hand and I needed to take at least 3-4 days off to give it a rest.  Today, I woke up pretty sore and stiff a little more than usual but nothing out of the ordinary so I decided that I would give the gym a go.

Today was a "long" gym day haha. I was there around 3 hours, dinking around, practicing happiness and moderation.  I stretched, did ballet warm ups, danced, dinked around, walked, elliptical, swam, and sat in the sauna.  I know what you are thinking so where is this humbling experience or why is this blog post titled that.  Here's why...during the swimming portion of my day I really could notice and feel my loss of strength in my upper body.  I realize I don't/can't do a lot with my upper body and the doctor told me my weaknesses were going to get worse but it never really sank in before.  My arms felt like lead and jell-o simultaneously and it was hard to breath (seriously?? how old am I?!)...but hey silver lining- I'm still alive!

All joking aside; it really did affect me emotionally, enough for a friend to notice at least.  I knew my pain and weakness would get worse, but I like to think I can still do everything I want without consequence.  Definitely was humbled today by my body; it's funny you think you are in control of your lifestyle but if your body isn't ready for it or can't do something haha you'll find out real quick and pay the price.  I guess it is taking longer than I expected to fully grasp everything.  No one gives you a road map or a solutions manual for living with chronic pain; I suppose it just takes time to figure it all out and truly be okay with it.        

"Take all the time you need to heal emotionally. Moving on doesn't take a day, it takes lots of little skips to be able to break free of your broken self."

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